2 Reasons Why I Will Vote Leave

adolf hitler

Vote Leave #VoteLeave – it’s got nothing to do with WW1, WW2 or Adolf Hitler

Vote Leave on June 23

1. The main reason why I will Vote Leave on June 23 in the EU referendum is Greece! Greece is a great example of EU bollocks from the moment they applied to join. And the way that Germany has been allowed to get away with treating Greece so badly is almost criminal. Ordinary people like myself, can never fully understand the financial machinations of the EU because of the total lack of transparency. And with that in mind: The end result for Greece being: German and French banks benefiting from the EU bailouts that were intended to support the people of Greece! It seems to me that the EU commissioners and bankers are acting like the Borgias! Is this an example of EU social justice (I bet Anthony Wedgwood Benn is turning in his grave) – let’s look after the banks and bankers so the Euro doesn’t disappear up its own arse? Of course, the EU orders Britain to pay its share of the Greek bailout!

David Cameron: “I have sympathy for Greece, but it’s not for the UK to bail it out as we are not a member of the Euro Area.”

Angela Merkel: “For you Dave ze war is over; pay up und shut up.”

David Cameron: “Immediately mein Chancellor.” Clicks’ heels, nods’ head, puts’ left index finger between top lip and nose, et cetera et cetera.

1. My equal top reason I’ll Vote Leave is Project Fear and the establishment and media conspiracy to scare the daft British people shitless. (Which seems to be working!) Why are we SO under the cosh? Is standing up for an independent Britain, that’s free to trade with the so called global village – that every hippy talked about in the early 70s –  politically incorrect and tantamount to hanging an English flag out of ones window?

Then there are the mountain of lies about trade, the economy, house prices, jobs, security, the NHS, immigration, etc., the list is long – and it’s all creative-guesswork.

Seems to me that it’s not Great Britain, it’s Feeble Britain, “Ooh Betty, they said I might possibly lose £2,200 by 2020.”

1. My third equal top reason why I’ll be Voting to Leave is: I believe the EU undermines our wonderful and much envied British Democracy. Faceless, almost nameless, unelected EU commissioners make laws in secret that effect and treat all EU member states exactly the same. The ‘little man’, the ordinary person, wherever we are within the European Union doesn’t really get much of say at all, apart from voting for our MEP – who mainly don’t give a shit because they’ve got their snouts in the EU trough.

And can you imagine countries like Spain, for example, giving Catalonia an independence referendum like Scotland had on 18 September 2014? That is great British Democracy at work.

BTW, you have read Animal Farm (by George Orwell, pub. 1945) haven’t you?

2. I will Vote Leave to support the regeneration of British farming and fisheries. The Common Agricultural Policy is a typical EU subsidies con weighted in favour of French farmers – there I said it!

François Hollande: “UK farmers can go fuck themselves, apples Français are crunchier.”


I don’t expect you’re old enough to remember Le Crunch and the beginning of the decline of the UK apple industry. (Which I feel is symbolic of UK farming in general.) As soon as the common market opened up in the mid 1970s the out-for-a-profit supermarkets poured French Golden Delicious down our bloody throats. And because we’re guided by our wallets and not our brains, we allowed our apple and tree-fruit farming industry slip into decrepitude.

And if you’re thinking about cider apples and craft cider making, get real, it’s an industry run by the ‘big boys’ like the Dutch company Heineken, and not some Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall-esque, old Etonian from Gloucestershire.

The UK fishing industry went exactly the same way. I suppose it all started with the ‘Cod Wars’ in the late 1950s early 1960s (concerning the waters surrounding Iceland), no history lesson here, but it went on until we joined the common market in the mid 1970s (it ended in 1976).

Enter stage right the Common Fisheries Policy. When Iceland achieved its overall goal of protecting its waters, the fisheries policy of the EU meted out quotas and opened up the UK waters to the rest of Europe. The UK fishing industry was almost totally fucked! Obviously the CFP has been heavily criticised by UK fishermen, most of whom I expect to Vote Leave.

I could go on and on, yeah, I know I’m rambling, however they are the main reasons I will vote leave: Greece, sovereignty, democracy and my beloved cod & chips washed down with a bottle of Gwynt Y Ddraig’s Black Dragon cider.

What does TMO stand for?

A client asked me today, “What does TMO stand for?” (Rugby World Cup 2015) TMO stands for: Television Match Official or they’re called the Video Referee! Basically, what they do is, the TMO rules on what the referee asks him to, and he can only rule on that – he can’t spot mistakes and draw the referee’s attention to them!



David Tovey Fashion Show – 27 September 2015

Lucy Cates model

Model: Lucy Cates @LucyCates Hair: Rainbow Room @RainbowRoomInt Photography: Richard Miles @richmilesphoto MUA: Maddie Austin @MaddieAmua Styling: Clare Frith @songbirdwedding

A creative Hairdresser is required for a fashion show to be held at the South Bank on Sunday 27th September 2015. Unfortunately, they’ll be unable to pay! The organisers are looking for a Volunteer Hairdresser.

Yeah, look, I’m not okay with pay-to-play either; and I’m fully aware of the Twitter hashtag #NoFreeWork. But this fashion show is all about raising awareness to prove a broken man can succeed with a helping hand! And that broken man is: David Tovey @DavidTovey1975.

Let me tell you a little bit about David John Tovey:
He’s an Artist. For many years he was a successful businessman after leaving the British army. In 2011 he had a stroke and this was the start of a long battle with bad health and rotten luck. He is now on the mend, and helping others through charitable works. Please read his amazing story featured the Independent: David Tovey has weathered cancer, cardiac arrest, HIV and homelessness – and he’s only 39.

This fashion show really is a wonderful opportunity for a young hairdresser to gain real experience and build a portfolio of work – think of it as a test session (which are never paid). Lucy Cates is one of the named models.

I don’t know the absolute full details, you need to contact @DavidTovey1975 for those, but I can tell you the location of the event is the South Bank. It starts from the Millennium Eye and works its way around towards the British Film Institute and then back again via the main road. The actual show kicks off around 1600, and will probably go on for 45 minutes.

Remembering Oliver Creasey 1950 – 2008

oliver creasey 1974Oliver Creasey (1950 – 2008) in 1974
Image courtesy of Vidal Sassoon Gallery presented by John Santilli

It was 1974 and it was Ollie’s birthday and he was late for work. Normally there’d be lots of Happy Birthday wishes, cards and cake and maybe a glass or two of wine, but today we, the staff, plotted in the staffroom and decided to pretend that we didn’t know it was his birthday; and if he tried to drop any hints we’d ignore them. All his morning clients were primed at the reception desk and told not to wish him happy birthday. …Until after lunch, when we knew one of his clients would bring in a special pressie.

By 09.30 Oliver was moody. At 10.00 he was cross, irritable and brooding. By 12.30 (about the time) he was gloomy, dejected and downright pathetic.


Then the old git went the other way, he was ecstatic! Not a pretty sight ;-)

Thinking of you today Oliver
Here is my little tribute to, David Oliver Creasey who helped to shape my career!

Bristol Crocodile Goes Into The Red Lion Pub Arlingham

Brian Streaters Streatfield

Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield

I was having a nice pint of Uley Bitter in the The Red Lion pub in Arlingham, Gloucestershire, when my mate Streaters walks in with the 16 foot ‘Bristol Crocodile’ that he’d found on the banks of the River Avon!

The landlord looked up and shouts “Get It Out – Are you crazy? You can’t bring that thing in here! Get It Out Now!” But Streaters seemed totally relaxed, he heads towards the bar dragging the fucking enormous crocodile behind him on a leash, and he says, “Relax, it’s perfectly okay; the Bristol Crocodile seems to be completely tame. In fact, if you’ll let me stay I’ll show you one of his tricks to demonstrate that he’s very docile.”

The Landlord reluctantly consents and Streaters gently coaxes the crocodile to climb up on to a nearby chair. Much to everyone’s surprise, Streaters gets out his ‘not-so-little-man’ and places it in the crocodile’s mouth.

After about a minute Streaters pulls out a baseball bat, and Whack. Whack. Whack. He beats the crocodile viciously over the head. The massive Bristol Crocodile seems totally unmoved and he just slowly opens his mouth and Streaters’s penis is unharmed.

A round of applause and Streaters takes a bow; he puts his tackle away and shouts out, “Anyone Else Want To Give It A Go?” And some old girl in the corner shouted, “Yeah, I’ll give it a go, but don’t hit me so hard with the bat!”


A Celebration of The Life of Brian. Brian ‘Streaters’ Streatfield, born 4th October 1938 – 25th July 2014. He was like an Uncle to me, he was a dear, dear friend and I loved him very much.

This series of ‘Pub Jokes’ marked Streaters is my little tribute to a man who loved a pint in a good pub; he was also the bloke that I loved to have a pint with, and I’ll miss him forever. Rest in peace you old ‘B’

Vivienne Westwood Gives England The Finger

Dame Vivienne Westwood photograph by Juergen Teller – The National Portrait Gallery – J.P. Morgan Fund for New Commissions

Vivienne Westwood gives England the finger at her Red Label show on Sunday 14 September 2014 – London Fashion Week SS15!

If you’d asked me yesterday which way Vivienne Westwood would vote in the Scottish independence referendum, I’d have said, “NO!” (by the way, she doesn’t get a vote!) Surely this intelligent fashion designer and businesswoman, who’s very much a part of the “establishment,” (she is a fucking Dame for Christ’s sake!) with shops all over the world, wouldn’t really want to split up the United Kingdom and make it smaller and disconnected, at a time when the world is becoming more connected, more like a “global village”? Seemingly, she does!

Then again, if I’d actually thought about it… well, the signs have always been there right from the early King’s Road days. Vivienne Westwood is a woman who wants to push a stick into the spokes of the system, the establishment, England, and watch the rider go arse over tit. Why? Because anarchy has made her a shed load of cash.

In the early King’s Road, Malcolm McLaren days, they used reverse psychology as an effective marketing strategy. There were plenty of cheap, risqué, shock tactics and gimmicks too, that worked well in an era of Habitat, Margaret Thatcher and Pink Floyd – BDSM (Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM)), Swastikas, Nazi bondage, upside down crucifixes and sticking two fingers up at HRH just thirty years after WW2 was Very subversive, provocative, anarchistic, anti-establishment and anti-christian; they were sticking two fingers up at the journalists as well, because they could hardly print a fucking word!

For Vivienne Westwood being unpatriotic isn’t just a marketing strategy, it’s a part of her “angry political activist,” DIY, ironic punk philosophy.

Vivienne Westwood as Margaret Thatcher - Tatler April Fool issue 1989

Here’s Vivienne Westwood as Margaret Thatcher – Tatler April Fool issue 1989

She knows how to get them talking! And by declaring, ‘I hate England,’ the Vivster has certainly done that.

Over the next few days there’s going to be plenty of negative comments pointed towards Westwood, which is a pity; this woman who cycles around London, cares about the community and supports many worthy causes, is doing the Scottish poor a Massive injustice, because it is they who will suffer so dreadfully if the YES vote wins.

Never mind the bollocks #VoteNo

#BringBackOurGirls Subterranean Homesick Blues

As soon as I saw Michelle Obama (raises pressure over kidnapped schoolgirls via The Guardian) holding up the sign #BringBackOurGirls, I thought, “Oh shit, there’s another opportunity for some clever dick to change the heartfelt message.” – It didn’t take long! Then there were all those fucking celebrities who jumped on the bandwagon hoping for a few thousand ReTweets.

Malala Yousafzai #BringBackOurGirls

Malala Yousafzai says the world must not stay silent over the abduction of the Nigerian schoolgirls.

I’d like to think that some of them were actually genuine. I trust Malala’s was. I’ve quite a strong feeling that David Cameron’s was too, as I watched the Andrew Marr Show where he ‘did it’ – maybe it was ‘planned?’

David Cameron and Christiane Amanpour supporting Bring Back Our Girls #BringBackOurGirls
David Cameron and CNN’s Christiane Amanpour with the Twitter campaign’s hashtag #BringBackOurGirls

I’ve a strong feeling that Twitter hashtag campaigns are not a real measure of public feeling – once the celebrities start Tweeting their hashtagged selfies, there is a lot of sycophantic action from their hoards of followers, who are desperate to connect with their idols! However, I think it’s the nearest we are going to get to knowing the size of world opinion.

The massive outpouring of world feeling for these abducted Nigerian girls on the social networks, is akin to prayer – ultimately useless I’m affraid. What we really need to do is sort out extremist religion and corruption in world politics.

koo bring back our girls

Koo, my lovely wife, made this cross stitch #BringBackOurGirls banner

Homoerotic Fetish Artist Tom of Finland Gets Franked

Self Portrait Homoerotic Christmas Card 1983
Self Portrait Homoerotic Christmas Card 1983

In 1983 after visiting Robin and Emma, who live in Amsterdam, I decided that my Christmas card would be a self portrait of me in the style of Tom of Finland! Thirty one years later, the very not safe for work, gay pornographic images are on fucking postage stamps in Finland – What’s the world coming to?

Tom of Finland Homoerotic Stamps

The Finnish artist Touko Laaksonen (Tom of Finland, 8 May 1920 – 7 Nov 1991) was noted for his stylized homoerotic fetish art. He was an important influence on gay pornography (art) in the late twentieth century.

unfranked stamp #1 | Tom of Finland Homoerotic Stamps

unfranked stamp #2 | Tom of Finland Homoerotic Stamps

unfranked stamp #3 | Tom of Finland Homoerotic Stamps

I am SO surprised that the Finnish postal service (Itella) is going to release a set of stamps commemorating Tom of Finland! I’ve got to get a Finnish pen-pal, I definitely want a set – due for release in September 2014.